Everyone who uses one of these likes coffee
I've arrived at work again today (the table with my laptop on) and I'm trying to give my latest novel another edit - another series of tweaks, another belt of excitement and detail, another shot of adrenaline into its arm, and perhaps mine.
I'm not actually counting but I believe this is my eighth full read-through and edit. To say that its boring or dull would be using the wrong set of words for what it is that I go through when doing these things - it's neither of those things. It's arduous, painful and plays merry hell with your emotions. It feels like it should be boring - but it isn't.
Full read-throughs are tough and require a lot of stamina. While you'd be quite right in thinking that it should only take a day or so to run through a whole book if you're suitably motivated, running through your own book is a much slower process. Not that I read any more finely (the opposite, in fact) - but the micro changes and edits I make as I run along the narrative mean that it can take a good week, all-in.
"A week? What's a week - who cares - this is your LIFE man!"
Yes, it is. But it's not always as exciting and joyful and merry as you might think. I'm not bemoaning the hard work - on the contrary, working hard is what keeps me going and I need to be busy. What's difficult is performing the same series of efforts over and over, still knowing in the back of your mind that what you've done isn't perfect and probably never will be. And why? Because I have in my head a picture of what I would need to do to try to please so many people - too many people, with different feelings, emotions and targets. Across the range, these requirements are contradictory. I can't possibly satisfy them all with what I've written, but I still (of course) want to give it my best shot.
The person I'm trying to please most is myself. I know it sounds a bit naff, but my guess is that if I'm happy then most people will be happy. Will agents be happy? Will publishers be happy? I don't know. Right now it feels like both are a long way away - not for any obvious reason but because I'm feeling... well, shall we say "challenged"?
So - in a few minutes I hope to be feeling a bit more motivated and I'll continue my edits. Chapter 25 awaits. Wish me luck.